


I'm Stealing Lines From Myself

by floralnarry



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton's not really in a coma, M/M, fake identity, they only think so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 13:06:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3069101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floralnarry/pseuds/floralnarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ASHTON IRWIN IN COMA AFTER CAR ACCIDENT</p><p>London – Ashton Irwin, 20-year old drummer of the Australian pop rock band 5 Seconds Of Summer, landed in the hospital last night after his vehicle got hit by another car. He was transferred to the nearest hospital. The doctors are not very promising. “Mr Irwin suffers severe head injuries and we’re not sure yet how he is going to recover,” says Dr Braxton, head of Neurology. Band members and management of the 20-year old haven’t released a statement yet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Stealing Lines From Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this a thing that I wrote. It's definitley not the best thing that I ever wrote, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. And don't hesitate to tell what you think of it!
> 
> title: Lyrical Lies - Cute Is What We Aim For

**ASHTON IRWIN IN COMA AFTER CAR ACCIDENT**

London – Ashton Irwin, 20-year old drummer of the Australian pop rock band 5 Seconds Of Summer, landed in the hospital last night after his vehicle got hit by another car. He was transferred to the nearest hospital. The doctors are not very promising. “Mr Irwin suffers severe head injuries and we’re not sure yet how he is going to recover,” says Dr Braxton, head of Neurology. Band members and management of the 20-year old haven’t released a statement yet.

Ashton throws the newspaper down with as much force as possible. He is boiling. “A fucking coma?” he spits angrily at his manager. “I’m as good as dead? Well, that is fucking brilliant. What is everyone going to think? What about my family? What about the band?”

“Calm down,” Adam says. Ashton rolls his eyes. How is he supposed to calm down in a situation like this? This is completely fucked up. Who in their right mind would ever think of something like this? He can’t comprehend.

“Why did you think this is a good idea?” 

“It’s good publicity,” Adam says like it’s the simplest thing. “Everyone is going to sympathize with you guys. They’ll listen to your music and they’ll like you. It’s brilliant.” Ashton scowls. How can he look so pleased with himself? 

“It’s sick.”

“Don’t be so negative. In a few months you’ll be awake and recovered from your coma and it’ll be great publicity. You’re fanbase will have grown so much that you’ll be able to tour wherever you want. You’ll have so many new opportunities.”

It’s clever, but it’s sick. If this band didn’t mean so much to him, he would refuse to participate in this. “What do I do in the mean time?” he asks. He’ll have to hide because no one can know he’s not actually in the hospital.

“You’ll be your own replacement.” Oh no, he wouldn’t. “You’ll be introduced to the band tomorrow morning.” He would. “You’ll do at least one tour with them.” He is sick in his head. “By then the actual you will be recovered.” He is completely insane.

“You’re fucked in the head,” Ashton says. He still can’t grasp the idea. Who thinks of something like this? “What about my family. Do they know?” He really doesn’t want to see his mother crying over the fact that he is in a fake coma.

“We’ve informed them about the actual situation,” Adam says and Ashton sighs in relief. “But you’re not allowed to see them. They’ll be flying in tomorrow and they’ll have to walk in and out of the hospital a few times, to make it believable.

“The band won’t know. They’re not allowed to visit you in the hospital, either. We’ll tell them that you’re in such a bad condition that only family is allowed to see you.” Ashton can’t believe he is going to have to lie to his best friends for so long. He sighs, rubbing his face. He really isn’t looking forward to this.

Adam gets up from his seat and motions for Ashton to do the same. “Let’s go give you a new identity,” he says as he starts to walk out of the office. Ashton follows him with a big sigh. He isn’t really looking forward to this. 

\--

After being rudely whisked away from his band and not seeing them for a few days, Ashton finds himself in the same office again. Adam is standing beside him and giving him the stare. He is supposed to behave. The band is coming in soon.

They’ve changed him unrecognizably. His hair is now straighter and darker, his eyes are bluer and they even changed the shape of his nose – don’t ask him how, he mainly ignored all of them touching and changing his face.

His new name is Riley Harris and everything feels wrong about it. He doesn’t look like himself and he definitely doesn’t feel like himself. He isn’t sure how he is going to pull this off. He is pretty positive that the band will recognize him in a matter of days, maybe even sooner.

His heart is beating loudly in his chest when the door opens and the boys walk in one by one. They look tired with bedheads and bags under their eyes and Ashton feels bad for them. Especially because not any of this is needed. It’s still sick.

“Take a seat, boys,” Adam says gesturing to the table where they all take a seat. They look at Ashton with curious eyes and it feels really weird for him that not any of them know who he is. “We have to talk about Ashton.” They tear their eyes of Ashton to look at Adam now.

“I wanna see him,” Calum immediately says. He looks Adam straight in the eyes and so does Michael. Luke on the other hand is looking down at his hands, nervously fidgeting with them. It kind of warms Ashton’s heart that they so desperately want to see him.

“You can’t,” Adam replies. “I have told you this before, his state is too critical. Only family is allowed.” He lets out sigh. “They’re not my rules, I’m only telling you what the doctors have told me.” Liar, Ashton thinks.

“Who’s this?” Michael asks, with a small nod of his head towards Ashton. He has been giving him strange looks all this time and he knows that Michael has been dying to ask. Calum looks at him now as well, but Luke still doesn’t look up.

“This is Riley Harris,” Adam says, laying a hand on Ashton’s shoulder. He has the urge to shrug it off. “He is a temporarily replacement for Ashton until he is better.” Ashton doesn’t know what Adam had expected, but he could have known that they would protest. 

“No way.”

“We’re not replacing Ashton.”

“Guys, calm down. Like I said, it’s only temporarily. We can’t afford to cancel a whole tour and unfortunately Ashton can’t join you guys. Of course he is going to join you again when he gets better.” Adam looks around the table at their protesting faces.

“If he gets better.” It’s quiet and Ashton isn’t sure if Luke meant it for anyone to hear. He still doesn’t look up. Ashton assumes he is the only one who heard, since no one else is reacting to it. He decides to ignore it as well. It kind of hurt that Luke seems to give up on him so easily.

Adam claps in his hands. “Well, that’s settled then. Riley’s bags are packed up and he’s ready to move in with you guys. You better get going and settle in.” Calum’s mouth somewhat falls open and Michael is protesting again.

“I don’t see the problem here,” Adam says, “It’s easier to get to know each other. Don’t worry guys, it’ll be fun. Riley is a really nice guy, you’ll like him.”

“How do we know he is not going to murder us?” Calum asks, his eyes on Ashton. Ashton isn’t sure if Calum is joking or not, but he finds it somewhat funny anyway. Of course he would ask something as ridiculous as this.

“You don’t, you’ll have to wait and see, I guess,” Ashton says. Michael chuckles a bit and Ashton is happy to see he is already warming up to him. _Again_. Because is Ashton is the new guy. _Once again_. He should be used to this by now.

“Alright then,” Calum says.

“Brilliant,” Adam says, clapping his hands once again. Ashton thinks it’s pretty annoying. “Let’s get going then, go settle in.” They all get up from around the table to make their way out of the building. Ashton grabs his suitcases in the process, getting some help from a somewhat hesitant Calum.

“Thanks,” Ashton says softly. He can see in Calum’s eyes that he wishes he didn’t have to do this as much as Ashton. It’s kind of nice to see how much they actually care for him and don’t want him to be replaced. But it’s also awkward as hell to be your own replacement.

The car ride back to the band house happens in a rather awkward silence. Michael decided to sit in the front – something they don’t really do – and is fiddling with the radio. Calum tries to hold a conversation, but no one is really making an effort. Luke simply ignores anyone around him and has put his music in.

“Is he always like this?” Ashton asks Calum, gesturing at Luke. He knows it may sound a bit rude for someone who doesn’t know them. But he really wants to know why Luke is acting so odd. It’s not his quietness that bothers Ashton, it’s his cold attitude towards him.

“Not really,” Calum replies, looking at Luke with sad eyes. “He’s having a difficult time with what happened to Ashton and all that. It’s nothing personal, but I just don’t think he wants anyone else than him.”

“I’m sorry about your friend,” Ashton says and it feels strange to talk about something that has happened to himself and isn’t real at all. “It’s probably hard for all of you.” He tries to sound as sympathizing as he possibly can.

“Yeah, it is,” Calum says softly and he is silent for a while. His voice cracks a bit when he speaks again, but he is trying to hide it. “It just really sucks that we don’t really know anything. They say that he is in a critical state, but how bad is it really? Is he going to make it? Is he going to be the same Ashton when he recovers? It sucks, because he don’t get any updates and we’re not allowed to see him.”

“I’m sure he is going to get better soon,” Ashton says and it sounds weak, even to his own ears. But Calum only nods his head and doesn’t say anything for the rest of the car ride. He can see Michael slumping down in his seat again and he is sure that he was listening as well.

Ashton is relieved when the car finally pulls up in front of the house. He can cut the tension with a knife and it’s killing him. It’s an awful feeling to be in such an awkward situation with the people he used to so comfortable with. They don’t even know who he really is.

Luke immediately gets out of the car. He doesn’t say a word and he doesn’t spare anyone a glance. Calum throws a look Ashton’s way, but he doesn’t say anything, either. He simply shrugs before getting out of the car himself.

Both Michael and Calum help him with his suitcases. “Um, so Riley,” Calum says and the names so foreign to Ashton’s ears. “You’ll probably have to settle in Ashton’s room. He won’t need it for a while.” Michael hits him on the arm and Calum throws him a look.

“Let’s go,” Michael mutters, heading for the stairs. Ashton follows in silence. It all feels too weird and awkward for his liking. He misses having a laugh with his mates, being happy and relaxed around them. Everything is so tense right now.

“Most of Ashton’s stuff is still in here, though,” Calum says as he opens the door to Ashton’s room. It looks exactly how he left a few days ago. He was in a hurry, because Adam called him, telling him there was an emergency. All lies.

“We’ll leave you to yourself,” Calum says. “We’ll be downstairs.” Him and Michael leave. Ashton doesn’t really need to settle in, it’s all his anyway. So he drops his suitcase and goes to lie down on his bed. Everything is so familiar yet so strange. Even his bed doesn’t smell like him anymore.

After a while Ashton has enough of it and he goes downstairs. He finds Michael and Calum in the kitchen, attempting to cook. It involves a lot of swearing and it smells like something burned. Ashton wonders where Luke is.

“Maybe we should order pizza,” he says, making both Michael and Calum jump. They look distressed and defeated and Ashton thinks that failing to cook can’t be the only reason. They never cared that much before.

“Yeah,” Calum says, wiping his hands on his jeans. “Ashton usually cooks.” Ashton smiles. He’s not that good himself, but he is a bit better than this bunch. “And Luke would help him.” Ashton’s smile fades. Luke would indeed often assist him. He doesn’t really understand what’s up with Luke right now. He’s been so distant.

“Pizza it is,” Michael says as he picks up the phone.

It doesn’t take too long for the pizza to arrive and Ashton is quite happy about that. He hasn’t had too much to eat yet today. But he notices that Luke is still absent. “Shouldn’t we tell Luke there’s food?” he asks the other two.

Calum and Michael look at each other for a moment. “Luke’s been a bit of dick lately,” Michael explains “Just let him be. If he really wants food, he’ll come down.”

“He’s just having a hard time dealing with what happened to Ashton,” Calum adds. He looks at Michael for a second to see if he should go on. “Luke thinks Ashton is a bit more special than anyone else.”

Special? How is Ashton more special to Luke than Michael and Calum are? They’re all just best friends, almost brothers even. Sure, Ashton might be a bit more protective over Luke because he is the youngest. But he’s known Michael and Calum longer.

But then it dawns on him. “Are they in love?” It would surprise him to be honest, if Luke thought of him as anything else than a friend. He doesn’t see Luke that way, either. At least not that he knows of. He would know if it were actually the case, wouldn’t he?

“Love is a big word, but –”

“Maybe we shouldn’t tell this,” Michael cuts Calum off with a warning look in his eyes. “If Luke wants Riley to know, then he should tell him himself. It’s not our place to tell this.”

“I’m sorry for asking,” Ashton says, but he is really curious right now. Maybe he should have a talk with Luke later. Not that Luke would tell him anything, but there is nothing wrong with trying, is there? He just desperately wants to have Luke say anything to him.

\--

Ashton lets out a sighs as he looks at his clock. It’s past two and he hasn’t closed an eye yet. He keeps thinking about this whole situation and how fucked up this actually is. How will he ever be able to act normal around his friends? Will he have to carry this secret around forever? It just makes him feel sick.

He decides to get up to distract himself a bit. He is done worrying about it. His only option is to roll with it anyway. If he spills anything he is probably going to get kicked out of the band. It will be either Adam or his band mates.

Ashton is surprised to see that the lights are on in the kitchen. When he gets closer he recognizes Luke. He isn’t sure what to do. Luke’s been pretty distant towards Ashton – Riley actually – so far. Should he take it personally?

Before he can decide what to do, Luke’s seen him already. He jumps about five feet in the air and clutches his heart. “God, can you be even more sneaky?” he says, but he sounds relieved that’s just him. “You scared me. What are you doing here? It’s 2am.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” Ashton replies. He feels awkward standing there in the doorway in just his underwear. “I couldn’t sleep.” There’s a long silence and Ashton wonders if he should confront Luke with his cold attitude. He decides he better does it now before it blows out of proportion.

“Do you actually like me?” he asks. “Because you’ve been pretty rude so far. I don’t think I did anything wrong, did I?”

Luke seems taken back by Ashton’s question and stumbles a bit over his words before he says: “No, I don’t like you.” And ow, that one kind of hurts. “But don’t take it personally. I wouldn’t like any guy that is replacing Ashton.”

He tries to walk away, but is Ashton is quicker. “Luke, wait.” He rubs his hands over his face. “I’m not trying to be a replacement. I’m only here temporarily so you guys could go on with the things you’re good at. He’s going to come back.” He sighs. “Trust me, there are places I’d rather be than here. I’m not trying to be your friend, I just want us to be able to act normal around each other.”

After that Luke just looks at him for a while. He look so sad and vulnerable and all Ashton wants to do his hug him and tell him it’s all going to be okay. But he can’t. He is supposed to be a stranger to Luke. And it’s so goddamn hard.

“Are you alright?” Ashton asks cautiously. He feels like Luke could breakdown any moment and won’t know how to deal with it. He wants to tell him the truth so badly. He wonders if Luke would recognize him. Maybe he could give him some hints?

Luke nods his head. “I’m fine,” he says, although his voice is shaking. “It’s fine.” But he doesn’t look fine at all. All colour has drained from his face and he looks like he is going to puke. “I’m going to bed,” he mutters, leaving Ashton behind feeling lost.

\--

“How well do you know the songs?” Calum asks. They’re in the car again, this time on their way to rehearsal. The tour starts in about two weeks and the other guys think they’ve never played together. They want to sound good together.

“I’ve practised them a few times,” Ashton replies. He knows he can’t play as good as he normally does. They can’t know that he’s done this about a million times already. This is going to be so weird, playing worse than his actual abilities.

“It’s alright,” Calum says. “I suppose you’re a good drummer, otherwise you wouldn’t be able to this. We have enough time to rehearse before the tour starts.” Ashton nods his head and turns to the window to see that they have arrived at the rehearsal buildings.

It goes smoother than he thought it would. The guys are quite content with the way everything sounds without them thinking that he’s done this just as much as they have. It’s nice, actually. He likes playing with them again. For a moment it feels like everything is normal. They don’t think that he’s in coma and playing with a replacement. It’s actually him right there.

“That sounded really good, boys,” Calum says a few days later in yet another rehearsal. “Let’s take break for a while. My bladder is exploding.” He laughs a bit, taking off his bass and running up the stairs to the bathroom. Michael follows him up the stairs, probably to find something to eat.

Luke looks at Ashton for a second, before taking off his guitar as well. He sits down on the couch and takes his phone out of his pocket. The silence is tense. Michael and Calum really have warmed up to “Riley”, but Luke is still acting cold. He doesn’t talk to him if he doesn’t have to and he even avoids being in the same room.

“So Luke,” Ashton starts, clearing his throat. Luke looks up with a surprised expression on his face. Ashton hasn’t made that much effort, either after their encounter in the kitchen. “Are you excited about tour?”

Luke just stares at him for a while and Ashton doesn’t really think he’s going to reply. But then he says: “No, I’m not.” And it really breaks Ashton’s heart. Because this is everything Luke has ever dreamed of. And Adam had to go and ruin in it for him, for them all, with this stupid publicity stunt.

And Ashton stands up, opening his mouth to tell the truth, to tell Luke everything. But then the door opens and Michael and Calum are coming downstairs again, with Adam hot on their heels. Ashton just closes his mouth and sits down behind his drums again.

Ashton feels defeated and he would really like to do something to Adam, make him realize what a bad choice he’s made. If possible in a violent way. But he is powerless. If he does anything, it will probably mean to end of the band. He can’t do that to the others. So he just rolls with it. Even though it’s not only hurting him, but also his three best friends.

Adam only stays for a while, seeing how everything goes. Ashton is glad he is gone so quickly, he isn’t sure how much longer he would have been able to contain himself. All he can do is glare daggers at him, but it doesn’t satisfy.

The last few days before the tour are relaxing. Ashton tries to stay away from the others as much as possible. He wants to fully come to terms with himself before he takes this tour by storm. He wants to have a blast and he especially wants his band mates to have a blast.

“Have you ever been on a tour before?” Calum asks Ashton when they’re done loading the tour bus and ready to take off. Michael is testing all the bunks, seeing which is the best to claim and Luke has scurried off to the darkness of the back lounge.

“Yeah, I’ve done a few as replacement,” he says. He still feels bad when he has to lie, but he’s gotten better at it. The lies come quicker and his voice doesn’t shake as much. But he still scared that he will mess up and ruin everything. 

“I wouldn’t be able to do it,” Calum says. “Going from one band to the other. I like being with these guys. They become your family.” Ashton knows exactly what Calum means, because in all honesty, he feels the exact same way. But he can’t say that.

“You get used to it,” Ashton replies. “Plus: you make a lot of new friends.” 

Eventually Michael settles in the bunk he always sleeps in and so do the others. Luke’s is right underneath Ashton’s. Luke used to annoy him by stomping his feet against the ceiling. Now he is pretty sure that Luke wouldn’t dream of doing that.

Much like his first night in the band house as Riley, Ashton can’t find a comfortable position to lie in and decides to get up. This time he doesn’t bump into Luke, though and he settles himself in the back lounge with his music in his ears, closing his eyes for a moment.

Luke is standing in the doorway, though when he opens his eyes again. Ashton takes one of his earbuds out. “Sorry, I thought you were Calum,” Luke says. Ashton almost smiles. Calum does sit here a lot when he can’t sleep. He has had some late night talks with him here. So has he with Luke. And Michael.

Ashton expects Luke to leave again, but instead he takes a seat next to him. They sit in silence for a while until Ashton offers Luke one of his earbuds. Luke takes it without saying anything. If Luke would lay his head on Ashton’s shoulder now, it would almost feel like the old days. But he doesn’t.

“Are you scared?” Luke asks after a while. “Like aren’t you scared that the fans will be mad because you’re not Ashton? Or that they’ll be disappointed? That they won’t like you as much because you’re not him?”

But I am, Ashton thinks. But instead he says: “No, because it’s very understandable. I think they have every right.” He pauses for a while. “I don’t want to be him, or anyone else for that matter. I just want to be myself. He’s going to come back eventually.”

Luke is silent again. Ashton really wants to know what he is thinking. If he still hates him? He just wants to be on his good side, he want it be like the old days. But he knows it's impossible, because he is pretending to be someone else. “I'm not too sure about that,” Luke eventually mumbles.

Ashton isn't sure if it was meant for his ears, but he still comments on it. “You can't think like that. He's your best friend and he's going to make it.”

Luke sighs. “I have to think rationally. I have to prepare myself for the worst. He's not going to make it because he is my best friend. The doctors even think he's not going to make it, they're just too scared to tell us. Why else aren't we allowed to see him.”

Luke sounds so devastated and broken and all Ashton wants to do is hug him and tell him it's all a lie. That he is right there and he is not going to die. But he can't. Instead he says: “He's going to make it.” again, even though it sounds weak to even his ears.

“I'm going back to bed,” Luke says. “You should, too. Tomorrow is the big day.” He takes the earbud out of his ear and leaves Ashton alone with his thoughts in the back lounge. He sighs. Tomorrow is the big day. To be honest, he isn't completely looking forward to it.

\--

When Ashton is on stage, it feels like nothing changed at all. He drums his heart out and the energy is still as high. It feels like the fans aren't bothered at all, that someone other than Ashton is drumming. Normally it would sting a little, but at this point he doesn't really care. He's just happy to be on stage again.

"Great opener, guys!" someone yells. Ashton can't immediately detect who it is, but it doesn't matter. It felt great. He feels great. He feels better than he felt in a while now. He almost feels normal even, not as foreign as before.

That feeling quickly changes, though, when they walk from the venue to the bus. The fans pretty much ignore him to get to the other guys. They take photos with the fans while he stands awkwardly behind them. He could have expected it, though, but it still feels strange.

But then someone taps his shoulder. "Excuse me, I don't know your name, but you played really well tonight," a girl says and he can't help but smile really wide. "Would you mind taking a picture with me?" He shakes his head while she takes out her camera. 

"It's Riley, by the way. My name," he says when she's taken the photo. The name leaves a weird taste on his lips, but he can't tell her who he really is. And Riley hasn't really been introduced to the fans yet. The guys were too busy trying to acclimatize.

"Nice to meet you, Riley," the girl says with a smile. "My name is Sophie." She holds out her hand for him to shake. "Good luck on the tour," she says as she releases his hand and disappears into the crowd. The great feeling had after the show returns and he gets on the bus with a smile on his face.

"Maybe we should do a twitcam," Calum says when they've all gotten on the bus and the bus has started driving to the next city. "The fans don't really know Riley yet. I think we should give him a proper introduction." And Ashton thinks no, because it's just going to feel weird.

"You don't have to do that," he quickly says. "I'm just the replacement, I'm not that important." He waves his hand back and forth as if he is trying to wave the proposal away. He doesn't want to make a big deal out of Riley.

But they’re having none of it – well, at least, Calum isn’t – and mere minutes later the four of them are sitting in front of a computer screen, waiting for the twitcam to go online. He wouldn’t admit it, but Ashton is actually feeling kind of nervous. He isn’t too sure how the fans are going to react towards Riley.

“Are we online?” Calum asks and Ashton can see that they are. Calum’s head shoots up. “Oh, yes we are!” He smiles widely. “Hi guys. Ow, Luke you’re not in the shot, move over.” Ashton looks at Luke to see him sitting at the side of the couch, typing away on his phone.

“Wait, I’m going to sit on the ground,” Ashton says. It’s where he usually sits during a twitcam and it’s kind of a natural thing to do it again. 

When Luke’s in the shot and the laptop is angled better, Calum talks again. “Hey guys! We want you to meet our new friend, Riley here,” he says, laying a hand on Ashton’s shoulder. “I guess you all heard what happened to Ashton –” Ashton’s stomach makes a little backflip thinking about it. “– but we wanted this tour to keep going for all of you, so Riley here is Ashton’s temporarily fall-in.”

Ashton’s eye flicker to the side of the screen where the comments keep coming in.

_**@milkyhemmo:** I miss Ashton_  
 _ **@cliffocondaxxl:** who is that dude, wheres ash? _  
_**@5sossextape:** he looks like a dickhead_  
 _ **@5SOStag:** no one can replace Ashton_

And the list keeps going. It’s a bit of a double feeling for Ashton, because most of them are saying that they don’t want anyone other than Ashton, but at the same time they’re also dissing Riley. Which kind of sucks, since he is also Riley. And he wants people to like Riley as well.

“But who is Riley really?” Calum continues. – “Who are you, dude?” Michael chimes in. – “So if any of you have any questions, shoot them. He’s ready to answer them.” Ashton laughs and nods his head as a confirmation.

“Here’s one,” Michael says. “Who’s your favourite drummer?”

Ashton thinks for a bit before answering the question. “There a lot of great drummers out there, but I think my favourite drummer will always be Dave Grohl.” He can’t lie about that, it really is his favourite drummer. 

“Oi, we’ve met Dave Grohl a couple of weeks ago,” Calum chimes and Ashton smiles at the memory. “Michael was MIA and he’s still upset about it. Ashton was on cloud nine, though.” It’s true. It was one of the greatest things that has ever happened in his live. He was so awestruck to finally see Dave Grohl in real life.

After several of those questions, they decide to say goodbye and wrap up the twitcam. Ashton actually feels quite relieved that it’s over. The reactions of the fans weren’t as bad as he expected them, but it still made him feel quite uncomfortable.

He feels drained now. “I’m going to bed, guys,” Ashton announces as he gets up. He receives a chorus of ‘goodnight’s and then he disappears in the bunk area. 

When he climbs into his bunk, he decides to have a look at his old phone. He has had it turned off since the ‘car crash’ and he hasn’t dared to look at it ever since. But he suddenly has the urge to do so. Maybe because he feels like it’s the last piece of himself that is left.

He has few messages and missed calls. Nothing that seems to be too important. Aside from the enormous amount of voicemail messages he’s got from Luke. His fingers start to tremble when to starts to listen to them. The first one is from the day of the accident.

 _“Ash?”_ And Ashton’s heart immediately breaks. His voice sounds so tiny and weak. _“Why aren’t you picking up? Don’t tell me this is true. Please don’t… Oh my god.”_ The voicemail ends with a broken sob.

He already doesn’t feel like continuing, but he can’t stop himself when he hears Luke’s voice again. _“I feel stupid for calling you, I know you won’t pick up. But it’s the only way I can get to you. They won’t even let me see you. None of us. It’s not fair. Why are you doing this to us?”_ The last part sounded angry and Ashton just feels guiltier.

 _“I’m only kidding myself when I still have hope that you’d pick up. It doesn’t even feel real. Are you still alive or are they simply leading us on?”_ There’s a long pause. _“It’s so quiet in here without you. Everything is tense and I fucking hate it. You have to come back.”_ A sigh and then lastly a mutter. _“Who am I kidding?”_

 _“Your replacement guy sucks. Why would they even think of replacing you? You’re irreplaceable. This is not fair. I wish I could punch him in the face.”_ A pause. _“But that won’t bring you back.”_ His voice lowers and he sounds more broken when he starts speaking again. _“I hope you’re not gone forever. Everyone is always telling me that you’re going to be fine, but I’m not so sure.”_ Ashton’s heart breaks again. 

_“I think I’m officially crazy, Ash. But I have to get this off my chest. I can’t tell you in person, so this the way it has to be. Maybe you’ll hear it one day. If you won’t, then so it’d be.”_ There’s a loud sigh and then silence for a while. _“I love you.”_ Another pause. _“Yeah, I know you love me, too. But I love you like I’m not supposed to. I – fuck.”_ Then the voicemail ends and Ashton could punch something in frustration. 

But there’s more. _“I’m such a coward. I can’t even say it when I know you probably won’t hear it.”_ Another sigh. _“But here goes nothing… I’m in love with you, Ashton Irwin. When you stood up for me that day three years ago, I already knew you were special. When Michael introduced you to us, I was probably a bit too happy. But I can’t stop myself. It’s growing bigger every day. And you not being around is definitely not helping.”_

Ashton takes the phone away from his ear and stares at it for a while. Luke is in love with him? But how? Weren’t they like brothers? Was there always something more to it for Luke? Every hug, every cuddle, every word he said. Ashton can’t breathe properly.

There’s one last message and it’s from last night. Ashton doesn’t know if he’ll be able to listen to it. Are there more love confessions on it? But he can’t stop himself. He has to know. Maybe Luke is simply confused. Maybe he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

 _“I feel like betraying you when I talk to Riley. He’s your replacement guy. God, I hate that word. Let’s just call him The Dick.”_ There’s a small chuckle, but then he’s quiet for a while. His voice sounds different, more sad, when talks again. _“I talked to him just minutes ago. He’s quite kind, very reasonable. I don’t like it. I don’t want to like him. This is too difficult. You need to come back, Ash. Soon.”_

A bleep sounds and a woman asks if he wants to repeat the messages. He definitely does _not_ want to do that. He feels quite confused now. He never knew Luke felt or thought any of that. He thought Luke was just like Michael and Calum are to him. But apparently he’s not and he’s not sure how he is going to deal with this. The worst part is that Luke doesn’t know who he really is.

\--

“Morning, Riley,” Calum says, shoving a spoonful of cereal in his mouth. Luke, who’s sat beside him, looks up for a second. Ashton can’t help but think _he’s in love with me_. How is he supposed to act normal around Luke now?

“Morning,” he mumbles back as he takes a seat opposite of the two. He can’t stop his eyes from wandering to Luke all the time and trying to figure out what he’s thinking. Would he think the same way about Riley as he thinks about Ashton? He’d only be too stubborn to admit to himself.

“I’m going to wash up,” Luke says quickly, before getting out of the booth and disappearing into the bunk area. Ashton thought that he may have finally been warming up to Riley, but apparently not. He called him ‘The Dick’.

“What’s up with him?” Ashton asks Calum.

Calum chuckles lightly. “He’s in conflict with himself,” he says. “He just admitted to me that he thinks you’re quite nice, but he doesn’t want to think you’re nice.” Well, Ashton doesn’t really know what to think about that. “Don’t worry too much about it. He’d think you’re nice in any other circumstances. It’s just because you’re Ashton’s replacement guy.”

Ashton sees his chance and he is going to grab it with both hands. “So him and that Ashton guy were quite close then?” he asks. He hopes he can get answer out of Calum. Maybe he knows more about this “being in love” thing.

“Ashton is quite… special to Luke,” he says hesitantly. “I don’t think I should tell you about this.” Calum obviously doesn’t feel comfortable talking about this, but Ashton is not going to let it slip. He’s so close now.

“Oh come on, you can tell me. I won’t tell anyone else,” he tries. “I bet Michael knows, too. I’m part of the band for now. No secrets for your band mates, you told me so yourself.” Calum once interrogated him about any love interest and he had to make up some story about an unrequired love.

“Fine, but you can’t tell anyone!” he says and makes Ashton even swear on his drum kit. “Luke’s in love with Ashton, but he’s never had the guts to tell him. He thinks it will mess up the band. But I’m pretty sure Ashton’s in love with him, too, he just doesn’t realize it yet himself.”

Ashton is silent for a moment. Calum thinks he’s in love with Luke? But he’s never thought about Luke that way. Sure Luke is an attractive guy and he’s been distracted by his body before. Sure he’s thought about kissing Luke before. But isn’t that normal? Isn’t that what happens to every teenage guy?

“Why do you think Ashton’s in love with Luke?”

“It’s quite obvious, actually,” Calum says matter-of-factly. “He can’t keep his eyes off him, he’s always trying to protect him. Did you know they first met because Ashton stood up for Luke?” He does actually, he remembers quite clearly. “Luke’s the only one he lets him cuddle. Do you want me to keep going?”

“No, it’s okay,” Ashton says. “I believe you.” But he’s not so sure. Isn’t this all because he thinks Luke’s like a brother to him? Isn’t Calum exaggerating this a bit, getting the wrong signs? He feels completely and utterly confused.

“Of course Luke doesn’t see this,” Calum says. “They’ve always had this special little bond, but they’re both too blind to realize it. I don’t understand, though. Michael and I are quite aware of it.” There’s a certain tone to his voice that might insinuate that they feel a bit left out and Ashton immediately feels bad.

“Thanks for the info,” Ashton mumbles while he starts to get up. “I’m going to get ready.”

\--

Ashton is alone in the green room after that night’s show. He doesn’t know where the rest has wandered off to. But he doesn’t mind the bit of time he has to himself. The last few days have been quite hectic. It’s nice to just lean back into the couch and close his eyes for a few moments.

He thinks back at the set they just performed. In the middle of the set, Luke had turned and looked him straight in the eye for a few moments. Then he smiled and turned back to the crowd without looking back.

It was weird. Ashton thought Luke didn’t like him as Riley. And then he was smiling at him. It almost seemed normal. As though he actually thought Ashton was sitting there, drumming his heart out. And it just makes him want to confess everything.

But he can’t do that.

He opens his eyes again when he hears the door opening. Luke appears and he is about to turn away again when Ashton calls him out. “Why are you trying to avoid me?” he asks. Obviously nothing is normal these days.

Ashton can see Luke’s shoulders tense at the question. He slowly turns to face the older boy. He is quiet for a while and seems to contemplate the question. “You’re creeping me out,” he says motionless.

“What?” That’s the last thing Ashton expected. He doesn’t really know what to say to that. Is being weird? Has done freaky stuff? He doesn’t understand. He tried to stay as quiet as possible and to not attract too much attention.

Luke sighs. “You’re creeping me out because –“ He looks like he doesn’t know how to say this without sounding completely out of his mind. “In everything you do, everything you say – you’re so much like Ashton. It’s like his soul has crawled in your body or something.”

He rubs his face in distress. “You’re just a lot like him. You remind me of him and it’s hard because he might be dying.” Luke sinks down on the other couch and hides his face in his hands. Ashton hopes he’s not crying.

He doesn’t know what he is supposed to do. He’s never seen Luke like this. Not because of him (even though Luke doesn’t know it’s him.) He’s scared that Luke might be onto him. He just wants to come clean about everything. He just wants Luke to be happy. He feels like he’s putting that boy through so much misery. 

He takes a seat next to the younger boy and lays a comforting hand on his shoulder. He doesn’t know what he expected, but it still kind of stings when Luke flinches away from him. Ashton sighs. “Look, I’m not here to hurt you or to be someone else. I’m just here to keep this tour going. But you clearly don’t want me here so maybe I can try and talk to Adam so he can find some other guy.” It would probably be a relief for both of them.

Luke’s head shoots up and he seems to be in conflict with himself. He opens and closes his mouth a few times, but he doesn’t say anything. Ashton can read the desperation in his eyes. So he just mutters: “Fuck it.”

He isn’t sure who makes the first move, but suddenly their faces are pressed together and he can feel the warmth of Luke’s lips on his own. His head is spinning, his thoughts completely lost. The only thing he can concentrate on is this damn feeling. He just can’t put his finger on it and it’s driving him nuts.

Luke’s tongue is slipping out of his mouth and brushing against Ashton’s lips. Ashton doesn’t even think when he opens his mouth for him. He’d probably do anything for Luke right now. He just doesn’t want this to ever stop. Whatever this might be.

And then it’s all gone. He opens his eyes to see Luke staring at him. “Oh my god,” he mutters before scrambling off the couch and disappearing from the room. Ashton can’t suppress the groan. He probably fucked everything up now.

What did he even do? He just kissed Luke. His best _friend_. What was he even thinking? He wouldn’t kiss Michael or Calum. Then why is Luke different? Is it true what Calum said this morning? Is he in love with Luke without realizing it?

He shakes his head. That’s impossible. He’s never seen Luke as anything other than his friend. And that will always remain the same, no matter what. And Luke sees him as a friend, too. He’s just a bit confused. It’s completely normal.

But why does he want to kiss him again, then?

He doesn’t. He just needs some fresh air. So he finally exits the green room and starts for the bus. The fans have mostly cleared out, so he can reach the bus without a problem. He goes straight for his bunk, not really feeling like facing anyone right now.

He tries to sleep, but it’s not really working. He’s just tossing and turning. Until the curtain of his bunk is ripped open and his eyes land on Luke. “Stop tossing so much,” Luke hisses and Ashton wonders if he really got up to just say that.

Apparently not, Ashton thinks as Luke continues. “Look, about earlier in the green room. That never happened, okay? It didn’t mean anything.” Luke sighs. “It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry.”

Ashton can’t stop himself. “But why did you do it then?” Luke freezes for a moment. Ashton can see that he is trying to find the right words to say. He either doesn’t want to admit to himself what he is thinking or he doesn’t know how to respond. Why in God’s name would he kiss Riley? Ashton doesn’t know, either.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Luke says. He hesitates for a moment before he turns away. But Ashton isn’t going to let him slip away now. He jumps out of his bunk and grabs his arms to drag him to the back lounge. “What are you doing?”

“I do want to talk about it,” Ashton says, because he feels so utterly confused. According to Calum, Luke is in love with Ashton, so why would he kiss Riley? Why did Ashton feel the need to kiss him back? What the fuck is going on?

“Leave me alone!” Luke suddenly screams, pulling his arm out of Ashton’s grip. Ashton is taken back. He didn’t expect an outburst like that from Luke. “There’s nothing here! I don’t want to talk about it! Especially not with you!”

Calum and Michael burst through the door to see what is happening. Ashton is looking at Luke with his mouth agape. He doesn’t know what to say. For a moment he thinks that Luke might start crying. But instead he storms out of the back lounge, knocking his shoulder extra hard into Ashton’s.

Ashton stares after him for a while before turning to Calum and Michael. They look just as stunned as Ashton feels. “What the hell was that?” Michael asks and Ashton doesn’t know how to respond. Luke feels uncomfortable talking about the kiss, so he probably doesn’t want it to be discussed between his band mates, either.

“Luke not being able to express his feelings,” Ashton eventually replies. “Same old shit.” He shrugs his shoulders before he exits the back lounge as well. He probably should go back to sleep. He won’t get an explanation any time soon anyway.

\--

“Morning, Riley,” John, their tour manager, says when Ashton enters the little kitchen and takes a seat in the dining booth. Luke purposefully doesn’t look him in the eye. “I’ve got some news about Ashton,” John continues. All heads shoot up, but all Ashton can think about is whether or not John knows about it too or not.

“Adam called me this morning to tell me he spoke with the doctors. They said that Ashton is making progress and he is starting to stabilize. They expect him to be awake within the next month.” Ashton can see their face lighting up and he can’t help but feel bad. They’re all being lied to. He wants to tell them truth so bad.

“So we’re allowed to see him now?” Calum asks excitedly. But his face immediately falls again when John shakes his head. “Why not? He’s getting better, right? I don’t see a problem here! He’s stable, I don’t understand why you’re trying to keep us from him?”

“It’s not my choice –” But Calum doesn’t let John finish. He gets up abruptly and disappears into the bunk area. Ashton is a bit confused. He didn’t expect such a violent reaction. Especially not from Calum.

Ashton looks at the other two and find them just as surprised. “I’ll go see if he’s okay,” Michael says, getting up as well. Which leaves Ashton with Luke, who isn’t even looking in his direction, and John, who can probably sense the awkward tension between the two.

“Well, I have to go,” John says, getting off the bus. Ashton has no idea where he is going, but he’s probably got stuff to do. Which – of course – leaves him alone with Luke, who is still not looking him in the eye at all.

“You still don’t want to talk, I suppose?” Ashton says, even though he doesn’t really expect an answer. He can already suspect what it would be. Though, Luke slowly shakes his head. “You know you can’t ignore it forever. You can’t pretend I didn’t happen.”

Luke finally looks up into Ashton’s eyes. “Watch me.” Ashton sighs, running his hand through his hair. He doesn’t understand why Luke can’t face the truth. Apparently it’s nothing new for him to like a guy. Which it is for Ashton.

And it surprises him that he is not freaking out more. He is staying surprisingly calm. Maybe it’s because it’s familiar. Maybe he’s always liked Luke, he just didn’t realize. Maybe nothing has really changed.

“You’re only messing with your own head.”

Luke looks angry and distressed, like he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Ashton thinks he’s about to burst. Which he is. “Do you want to know the truth? Do you really want to know the truth? 

I am in love with my band mate and best friend. As if that isn’t enough he also falls into a coma and might not make it. Then to top it off his replacement guy is like his fucking clone, which makes it incredibly hard to not like him.” Luke sighs. “For real, though. Are you doing on it on purpose, being just like him?”

“I …” This is it, Ashton thinks. He can’t hold it any longer. He has to say it. Especially after Luke’s confession. He is in love with Ashton. And to be honest, Ashton isn’t even that shocked. He actually kind of likes it. And he really wants to kiss him.

“It’s all a lie,” Ashton says and he immediately sees Luke’s face twist into confusion. “This whole thing, it’s a lie. I’m not Riley. Riley Harris doesn’t exist.” He rubs his face. “This is so hard. You’re going to hate me.”

“I don’t understand. What is a lie?”

“I’m not like Ashton. I am Ashton. This whole accident thing, it’s fake. It was some stupid idea from Adam. I was forced into it. Why do you think you weren’t allowed to visit me in the hospital? Because I wasn’t even there. I was with you all the time.”

Ashton isn’t finished yet, but Luke is violently shaking his head. “You’re lying,” Luke says. “Why are you saying all of this? What the fuck are talking about?” The last sentence comes out as a scream and Ashton takes a step back.

“Luke, just listen, please,” Ashton pleads. He’s almost on his knees, begging. This feels so wrong. Why did he ever agree to this thing in the first place? He lied to his best friends. And it feels fucking terrible. “This is real. I am Ashton. I’m not in a coma, I’m not hurt. I’m completely okay.”

“You’re sick in your head!” Luke yells. He might have a point, Ashton thinks.

“Luke, listen. I wasn’t my idea. I didn’t really have a choice. The article was published before I properly knew what was going on. Adam says it’s great publicity. People will sympathize with us, like us. We’ll be able to tour so many more places,” Ashton says. “We’ll be able to make more people happy.”

“Happy? Do you think you’ll make people happy?” Luke snaps. “Do you even hear yourself? We could do this on our own! Without some stupid publicity stunt!” Luke’s eyes are on fire and Ashton’s surprised he’s still alive. “You put me through so much misery. I’ve never felt so fucking down. Do you even fucking realize what you did to us? We’re supposed to be your best friends!”

Ashton feels like throwing up. He’s never liked this idea to begin with, but he saw opportunities. Now they’ve all flown out of the window. He feels like he ruined it all, not just for him, but for the whole band. And it’s the worst feeling. And on top of that, Luke fucking hates him.

“You’re a fucking asshole,” Luke says, before leaving the kitchen. He disappears into the bunk area. Ashton feels like he should go after him. But he doesn’t know what he would say. What could he say? It’s only going to make things worse.

Ashton decides to get off the bus to get some fresh air. Maybe he might be able to clear his head. All these thoughts swimming through his mind are driving him crazy. How did he even end up here. He thought everything was going great. The band was doing so well. Then Adam and his stupid plan came. Ashton should have stopped him before it go out of hand. 

But now it’s too late. And he is losing his best friend. The guy that is in love with him. The guy he loves? He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know anything. He feels utterly lost, like he is drowning. And he doesn’t know what way is up.

He just wants to scream, but he feels like he’s suffocating. There’s no air in his lungs. Luke took it with him when he stormed out of the room. What the hell was he even thinking? How could have let it get out of hand so much?

He jumps when his phone starts to ring. The caller ID says Adam and he dreads to pick up the phone. Luke probably told him that he knows. “What the fuck were you thinking?” Adam yells as soon as Ashton places the phone against his ear. “Are you out of your mind. I’ve told you not to tell. They weren’t ever supposed to know. What did you think that would happen? Of course they don’t like to be lied to.”

“Then maybe we shouldn’t have lied in the first place,” Ashton throws back. “Why did you even want to do this so badly? Why did you ever think this was a good idea? I lost my best friend!”

“Well, you should have thought about that before you told him the whole fucking truth!” Adam yells back. “This could have gone great, but of course you had to fucking talk.”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?” Ashton yells and he feels the built up frustration from the past few weeks finally get out. He’s never felt so angry before. Adam is still defending the idea. “This wasn’t even a good idea. You’re a fucking asshole!” 

He presses the ‘end call’ button with all his force and almost throws his phone against the nearest wall. But that’s probably not a really good idea. He shouldn’t make any more stupid choices. Instead he hits the wall with his fist and screams out in pain.

After a while he decides to go back to the bus. He’s dreading it, but he has to do anyway. The band is sitting in the front lounge. Calum immediately gets up when he enters. Ashton looks at him and he hates to see the look in Calum’s eyes. Anger, disappointment, sadness. It’s awful.

“I’m sorry –” Calum’s fist collides with Ashton’s cheek before he can finish his sentence. He stumbles backwards and his hand immediately goes up to his cheek to try and lessen the pain. Of course it’s no use. And he probably deserves it, too.

When he looks up again he sees that Michael is holding Calum back, still looking as angry as before. It’s almost scary. “I’m sorry,” Ashton tries again.

“I don’t want your fucking apology!” Calum screams. “You fucking lied to us! What the hell were you even thinking?” He’s trying to wriggle out of Michael’s grasp. Probably so he can punch Ashton again. He’s thankful for Michael, even though he doesn’t seem too pleased, either.

“I know!” Ashton says. He really feels like crying. He never thought he wormed himself into such a mess. “I know. I never liked this idea, either. But I thought it could give us opportunities. If I’d know it would end up like this I would’ve never agreed to it.”

“You could have told us,” Michael says softly.

“Do you realize what hell you put us through?” Calum interrupts him.

“I’m sorry,” is all Ashton can say again. He eyes land on Luke, who is once again not looking at him. He is so quiet and it’s an odd contrast to him screaming earlier. Ashton doesn’t know which he prefers. He prefers Luke to be happy and still his best friend.

\--

“I guess we have some things to talk about,” Adam says. It’s ten o’clock in the morning and they’re in some sort of hotel. They arranged a meet-up with Adam the night before.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Calum says harshly. He is still as fired up as the night before. And he probably hates Adam as much as he hates Ashton. “We’re dropping you.”

Ashton swallows. They’re dropping Adam? Did they all agree to that or is Calum acting impulsive? Well, the others don’t seem surprised, they probably know about this. They’ve probably talked about this. Are they going to kick Ashton out of the band?

“You can’t, Calum. We have a contract,” Adam says. He even seems nervous.

“I don’t fucking care about some stupid contract. We’ll burn it,” Calum says and his voice sounds as cool as ice. It’s scary as fuck. Adam opens his mouth again, but Calum is quicker. “Otherwise we’re going to sue you.”

Adam even has to guts to laugh. “On what ground?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Calum says. “You know we can.” And with that the matter is apparently off the table. Calum turns to leave, leaving Michael, Luke and Ashton to trail behind him like lost puppies. Ashton didn’t know Calum had it in him, but this situations is clearing bring it all up. There is much anger in that boy, Ashton doesn’t really know where it’s all coming from.

The lift ride down is quiet and awkward. Ashton looks from one face to the other. They’re all looking down and defeated, but also a little combative still. “You can say it now,” Ashton breaks the silence. The others look up, surprised and confused.

“What?” Michael mumbles.

“Okay,” Calum says and Ashton bears himself for the worst. “You’re a prick and we hate the fact you lied to all of us, keeping such a big thing from us. We also hate the fact that you put us through such a horrible time of thinking that you were dying. And you’re an asshole. And you deserved to be punched in the face.”

Ashton waits a little, but there’s nothing more coming. “That’s it?” he asks. “You’re not kicking me out?”

“What?” Michael asks again.

“Of course not, you idiot,” Calum replies and he even smiles a bit. “We know Adam forced you. Even though you need to take blame as well.” Calum is quiet for a moment. “But we need you. Didn’t you see how horrible we were functioning when we thought you weren’t around? You hold us together.”

Michael nods his head in agreement. He can’t believe they’re able to say that after all that’s happened. He can’t stop himself when he pulls them all in a big bro hug. Even Luke, who didn’t confirm anything of what Calum said and who probably still hates him.

But a little while later, when they’re back at the venue, Luke comes up to him. “Ash,” he says softly and he barely looks Ashton in the eye. “I think we should talk about all this.” Now he comes around? “But only if you look like yourself again.”

Ashton had almost forgotten that he still looked different. “It’s still me though,” Ashton says. “No matter how I look like.” He really wants this to get out of the way. He wants things to be alright again. Maybe even better.

“Yeah, but you look better like yourself,” Luke says and he even smiles. Ashton can’t believe it. Is Luke flirting with him? He doesn’t mind though. Honestly, this is what he wants, this feels good. And he knows it won’t be like that from day one, but they’re going to get there. He knows.

\--

Much to Ashton’s distaste, the rest of the tour got cancelled. But they couldn’t really go on without a manager and with what has been going on between the band members. So not even a day after they dropped their manager, they find themselves at the band house again.

“What are you going to do with that?” Luke asks and Ashton jumps. He didn’t hear him coming. Ashton was on his way to the bathroom and he’s holding a bottle of hair dye. Luke’s eyes are focused on the bottle.

Ashton holds the bottle up. “I’m going to try and change my hair back to its normal colour,” he says. “This is thing in my hair right now is pretty strong, I don’t think it’s going to fade soon. And it’s not really my colour, either.” Ashton’s pretty much gone back to himself. He’s taken out the colour contacts, so eyes are their hazel self. He doesn’t straighten his hair anymore so it’s bounced back into curls and his nose is its normal shape again.

“Let me help you,” Luke offers. “I’ve dyed Michael’s hair a million times.”

“Why don’t you just go to the hairdressers?” Luke asks several minutes later, when he’s massaging hair dye through Ashton’s hair. He’s glad Luke’s here to help him, because he had no idea he had to use tin foil. If he’d done it by himself it would have been a big mess.

“I’m supposed to be in the hospital, remember?” Ashton says softly. They’ve announced to the fans that Ashton is awake and getting better. But they can’t just show him in public, alive and kicking, a day after he’s woken up from a coma.

“Yeah,” Luke mutters. He’s quiet for a few minutes then. He tells Ashton it’ll take a few minutes before he can wash the dye out and he’ll have his normal hair colour back. He sits down and is quiet again then. “You know about the kiss –”

“It’s okay,” Ashton says, before Luke tells him things he doesn’t want to hear. “I know you don’t want to talk about it.”

Luke smiles, but I doesn’t reach his eyes. “I have to do this, Ashton. For myself,” he says. “I know it’s not easy with all the shit that happened. But you know this now, I like you. A lot. I always have. And I felt really guilty and angry at myself when I started liking Riley. I felt like I was betraying you. But I guess it all makes sense now.

“I could see you liked me, too. I knew. I knew before you did. But I didn’t tell you anything because I could see you weren’t ready. Calum kept telling me that I just should go for it, but I know it wasn’t the right time. But then you kissed me as Riley and I was really confused. But it turns out to be you anyway and I’m actually kind of relieved.”

Ashton is confused, too. Because Luke is fairly sure that Ashton likes him, too. But Ashton doesn’t even know what he feels himself. He did like kissing Luke. A lot. And he really wants to do it again. Does that mean he likes him? Like more than a friend? Well, he guesses so. “I don’t really know how to go from here,” Ashton confesses.

“Well, you could just kiss me,” Luke says with a grin on his face. Ashton doesn’t wait a second.


End file.
